Client Stories

Maria's Story

 

I have lived many pains, many hurts, many cries, many laughters, much hunger, much need, so cold, so much pain, physical pain, mental pain, all types of abuse, physical abuse, any abuse. I was there and back again, I fell not once but several times. Being a victim of domestic violence, led to live a life of lies, led me to alcohol, led me to drugs and led me to the streets. I cried, I bled, I was hurt, and I was in so much agonizing pain. No one other than those that have live a life much similar to mine, will never understand the whys and how come. So my answer as of date is you will never understand why and how come, because I don't either. You get sucked into life of abuse and before you know it, you are in too deep and think, how did this happen, what did I do, how stupid could I have been. You start to believe what your abuser says about you. Dumb, stupid, slut, worthless, nobody, etc. the list never ends. So now depression hits. Fear grows.

Well my name is Maria and I have lived more than half of my life being abused. Many years using drugs; hurting the ones I loved; my family, my children; but no more. I have broken the cycle of violence that has haunted my life for so many years. I am free. No longer am I a scared child afraid of the unknown. I look forward to learning and living my new life. All I ever knew was abuse, so I lived abuse. Now I have had a taste of hard work and self worth. I am stronger and with so much pride. I am somebody; I am Maria a woman a mother of four a sister and a daughter. I am no longer afraid of my abuser. I have cemented in me a life without fear. I figure I dealt with him for so many years I can do anything.I am super woman. It took time for me to believe in myself. It doesn't happen over night. At times it felt like forever. But here I am a year without pain. I have so much more than I ever had in my life. I have me back. And I am continuing to grow each day that passes. I have people that love me and I love them back. I appreciate everything in my life, right down to the penny in my pocket. I am happy. I will continue my journey as well as my growth. Where ever it leads me, I am ready to take it on. The skies the limit and the stars are within my reach.

My name is Maria and I am a survivor of Domestic Violence.
October 10, 2007

Essays and quotes from children in our shelter

"When I first came to Haven Hills I was a little sad because I was already missing my friends.  I realized by crying I didn't get anything. So I just felt like going outside to make new friends.  After three days passed I got to use the payphone and I was happy to talk to my friends.  I was nervous because I didn't know people at first but as I got to know people I started to forget about my friends.  Now Haven Hills started to be okay for me.  My feelings changed about being in Haven Hills because I feel safer not being in my old house where my mom's boyfriend did drugs.  I feel comfortable being at Haven Hills."  Ten year -old boy

"Haven Hills gives us freedom and doesn't make us feel alone, trapped or helpless.  It's a place where we can forget the past and move on with the new life Haven Hills gives you. "  Twelve year old boy

 "I feel relaxed now that my parents are not fighting."  Eight year old girl

 "I think a shelter is a place that something happens at home.  We come here to have protection from dads that are in jail and that want to kill us." Eight year old boy

 Some things the children have told the counselor:

I like having someone to talk to.
I don't feel like I am going to explode anymore.
I feel happier.
I have more friends.
None of what happened was my fault. I used to think it was.
I feel important.
I know what to do when I'm sad. I learned how to make myself feel better.
I feel safe.
 

Joan's story

The programs that was offered at Haven Two helped me shape up my parenting skills.  I was dealing with a lot of emotion when disciplining my son.  At Haven Two with the help of children's therapist, my counselor and case manager and coordinator, I was able to identify my parenting problems.  They taught me how to discipline my son effectively and with love.  My case management coordinator gave me the lesson on the three "p"s which are patience, persistence and praise when dealing with my son's outburst.  Being a parent and mother was made easy and a joy by these wonderful group of women who taught me how.  Now, my son is able to communicate with me, I am able to listen and communicate back to my son.  They made parenting a lot easier with the books, advise, therapies and tips I am receiving.

 My legal needs was also accomplished when I got to Haven Two.  My D.C.F.S. case was closed in January.  This would not have been possible had it not been for my hardwork and effective advocacy I got from the Haven Two team.

The individual counseling sessions I receive weekly is a channel for me to tap into my inner self, discovering who I really am, my weaknesses and strengths.  These sessions make me see the strength in my weakness, the hope in any tomorrow.  I personally consider these one hour sessions with my therapist as a personal archeological experience of me.

 My sessions with my case management coordinator is what I call my strategic planning sessions.  At these sessions, ways of how to reach my personal and financial goals are discussed.  At these sessions, I am taught how to communicate effectively with my supervisors at work, how to keep my job, how to juggle parenting, family and work.  Recently, we are also looking into my advancement in my career through more education.

 At the group meetings, the residents of Haven Two meet twice a week.  On Mondays we all meet with the program coordinator to discuss our living conditions, how to keep our community safer for ourselves and our children.  Any communal problem is also taken care of at these meetings.  Sometimes, we have guest speaker that are brought into teach us job skills, life skills, finance management and budgeting.

 On Tuesday's we meet the women's therapist.  This is a therapist session that we residents enjoy as a group.  At this session, we explore our life experiences through therapeutic art sessions, group discussions and cultural differences.

 In conclusion, as a domestic violence survivor coming into Haven Two had helped me overcome being a victim but a whole woman.  Haven Two has given my son and I a place of our own, to explore, to grow and to expand psychologically, intellectually and otherwise.  We see Haven Two as a launching pad for us to go back into the community not as victims but as survivors and to be the best we can be.  Thank you Haven Two for giving us this chance to live again.